Reading outside the Lines
by xxxHPxxx
Summary: what if Lily never actually 'fell' for James?..and they never got married, but there still was a Harry...from lily's POV, starts from sixth year..read to find out more! full summary inside! extremely AU
1. friends? yeah right!

**A/N: Ever wondered WHY Lily always said 'no' to James? the reason behind her constant rejection? what if there was more to the "no" than meets the eye! What if she wasn't allowed to date? what if Lily never actually fell in love with James, but there still was a Harry!? **(don't worry they still die in the end...)

**Disclaimer: is this even necessary to write?**

The orange was slowly creeping into the pitch black sky. It was shining on the glazy ice capped mountains, making the mountains glow like torches against the dark sky. The darkness was slowly fading in to nothing. It was as if the trees in the forbidden forest, the mountains on the horizon and the chirping birds in the sky were eating away all the darkness.

the sight was truly magnificent..

A sixteen year old witch, Lily evans, sat on the window sill of her dormitory taking in the glorious sight unfold infront of her.

It was a sight to be seen. To be appreaciated. To be praised by everyone who walked on the face of earth.

It was the most beautiful part of the day for Lily. It was the cherry on top of her pie.

The pureness and beauty of the sight relaxed her. The fresh air and the scent of drizzle gave her strength to stand up for herself, in this cruel school. The peeking brightness gave her hope for a better future...There was always a tomorrow to look forward to.

She sat their gazing out the window for a good half an hour, taking out all her frustration and hurt. she sat their crying her eyes out, thikning of all the unfair things that she dealt with on a daily basis. the way she was used by her friends, tormented by the 'oh so popular' Marauders, and ignored when she needed someone to be there for her.

She had had enough she wanted to escape, to run away from this madness and live her life in peace. she was tired of being a rant listening dummy. She felt as if she was the only one who cared. Even though she cared dearly for her friends- she stood up for them, supported them and comforted them when need be- but, it felt as if she was the only one who actually cared. Their friendship was a one sided relationship. She was the only one contributing to it. she felt as if no one was ever there for her. no one she could actually confide in.

She was always the one who people came to confide in things, and when they needed a shoulder to cry on..and yet no one ever turned back and thanked her for being there for them, for helping them through tough times or to return the favour. She felt used and betrayed. She did everything in her power to help her friend. In any way possible; she ditched classes, left homework for the last minute and didnt sleep at all just to help her friends during their hard times. But, no one was EVER there for her when she tried telling somone her feelings.

She was made fun of, or laughed at, or called "emo" and "pathetic", when ever she made the mistake of confiding something to her "friends".

Boys, and looks were the only things that mattered for her friends. Lily on the other hand had different views. She was more into education and a solid career...there were times when she even doubted the fact that she even _had _friends

She was sick and tired of everything. She felt alienated! she was lonely in her room full of 'friends'..

Were friends really supposed to be that way? or was she being selfish? was she the one with the problem? was it her fault that she was, looked, acted and thought differently than the majority of the female population?

Lily was confused...she had finally broken. Cracked!

She didn't know if she would be able to take it all anymore...it was as if all the torture she had been through during the past sixteen years of her life had started to sink in. It had shredded her heart into tiny grains of sand.

She felt livid. Ready to kill!

A fresh batch of hot tears started pouring out of her eyes and onto the smooth surface of her porcelain cheeks. she cluthed her calves really hard and brought er legs close to her chest. And hugged her legs tightly. She needed someone to confide into..someone real.

In the distance she heard the rustling of the sheets and the opening of the curtains around someones bed!

"oh Shit!!!", Lily thought "they are never up THAT early, i can't let them see me like this.." but she was cut off in the middle of her thought and her tear strained face came face to face with her 'friend'.

"Lily! what's wrong?? OH MY GOSH, are you okay hun?" shrieked Natalia, her 'freind'. waking up the whole dormitory with a start.

"Damn.." thought Lily.

**A/N: my attempt at a story! hope you will like it. Let me know even if you hate it, please, it would really help!**

**I promise the story will get more intense and interesting later on!**

**Shaheera**


	2. Ahh damn! confrontations

**A/N: Hello everyone! I hope this chapter's a little better than my last one. And i apologize in advance for my spelling errors and the capitalization, for ths chapter and the past chapter. I am unfortunately using the wordpad again, instead of 'microsoft word' D. Microsoft word just wouldn't download on my computer for some reason and i am too dependent on it. And YES this story **_**IS**_** an AU. But, you never know maybe this **_**was**_** the real story hehe (A) **

_**Thanks So much to my lovely reviewers:**_

_**SockMonkey101**_

_**Howling for more Rowling**_

_**NOT AFRAID OF SPIDERS! GO M...**_

_**Flamesspirit-eth**_

**Disclaimer: i'm not even gonna bother writing anything here...**

All the remaining girls, in the dormitory, that were previously sleeping, woke up with startled expressions. Natalia's ear piercing shriek had disturbed their peaceful slumber.

By the next second all the remaining four girls were by Natalia's side, with confused and terrified expressions on their faces.

"what happened?" asked Katie in a small voice.

No one said anything for the next thirty seconds. They were all standing there dumbstruck, waiting for Natalia to say something.

But Natalia on the other hand just stood there, as if in a trance.

Finally, Katie, Julie, Dina and Tsarina followed Natalia's gaze, and saw what had caused the most utterly horrific expression on her face.

There they saw a flushed Lily curled up in a ball, sitting on the window sill, looking up at Natalia with pleading eyes. Her face looked swollen, yet too small for her bulging eyes. In general Lily Evans looked like a mess. A horrible and painfully ugly mess.

Her orangish red hair was greasy and in tangles. Her pajama bottoms weren't so much of a pajama bottoms but a pair of old faded and ripped black sweat pants, from God knows when. Her top was a bathered looking, oversized grey T-shirt. Lily's body was lightly shaking, with a few moments in which her whole body would jump a few inches in the air with a strong jerking force. as if some one had just sent an electrical current through her.

She looked pitiful.

Katie being the most polite one, tucked the lose strands of her dirty blonde hair behind her diamond studded ears, and started: "Lily are you okay?..".

She then walked forward a few steps and took a closer look at Lily's face. She saw faint traces of tears on her face and took a couple of stumbling steps backward. "have you..have you been crying Lily?" Katie asked shocked, her pale green eyes wide open.

Lily Evans _never _cried you see. She was the person that comforted everyone when they cried. No one had ever seen Lily ever break her cool. She just never cried, or so people thought. So, this whole situation came across as a shocking experience for the girls. They all stood there staring expectantly at Lily, waiting for an answer of some kind.

Truth be told the girls felt a little out of place. They weren't used to these kind of things. They never had to comfort anyone or make anyone feel better. And, besides they felt sticky, dirty and ugly right now. They needed a shower. They wanted out.

_**A/N: you know that horrible feeling that you get sometimes in the morning, when you get up? Your breath stink like crap, and your hair feels oily, while the rest of you feels sticky for some reason. The last thing you want to do, at that time, is hug someone or try to make them smile...you just kinda feel sickly at those times...i don't know if everyone experiences that, but i sometimes do. So. yes..hehe. **_

Lily noticing the perplexed and irritated expressions on the girl's faces, finally decided to speak up.

She started, "guys...", but never got to finish her sentence, for Natalia had cut her off and started speaking.

Natalia was speaking at the rate of a 100 words per five seconds and walking by in a blur. Her words barely recognizable. It sounded like a shrieking mother whose kid had been taken away by a group of bears.

Dina, who was the most straight forward one, decided to take control.

"NATALIA! SHUT THE HECK UP!", DIna barked.

Natalia stopped dead in her tracks- one foot in the air and mouth hanging open.

The room was dead silent.

"Now Lily what was it that you were saying? We are all ears." continued Natalia.

Natalia pulled herself together and stood beside Lily on the window sill.

"Guys, I am fine really! i am fine. I just err...umm was...err...it's nothing. I am FINE!", said Lily.

"Then, why were you crying?", asked Katie, in a quiet voice, while staring at Lily with a _'I can see right through you so dont lie'_ look.

Lily looked away from her and tried to ignore _the look._

"It's nothing i just...i just had a bad dream" said Lily.

Her dorm-mates just stood there with anticipation, just waiting for a bomb to drop. They stood there expecting Lily to tell them about her dream.

Lily noticing the tension in the air decided to continue.

"...and and i don't want to talk about it. Can you guys leave me alone for a bit?" finished Lily.

_..Silence.._

"Please?" pleaded Lily.

"Oh, umm yeah sure..i guess", said Natalia and Tsarina confused, in unision.

"Thanks", said Lily with a painful smile plastered on her face.

The girls left for the bathroom leaving Lily behind.

Lily exhaled a relieved breath and put her head in her hands, thinking about how easy it was to fool her 'friends'.

"They really don't give a damn about me she.", she thought.

It hurt to think that she didn't have any real friends that would ever unnderstand her or even try to do so. Her body started shanking and tears started pouring down her cheeks.

Then, suddenly she felt as if someone was watching her. She looked up both shocked- both mad and happy- only to be captured in a tight hug.

Lily was sniffing and crying like a baby again.

"I can't do this anymore..." whispered Lily.

**A/N: I am So sorry for the late update! The thing is that i just got a job and i have no time at all, plus I have guests over at my house. So, yess Sorry. I will try to update as soon as possible, though. PLEASE pardon my errors (and i guarantee there are tons of those in here) because this chapter was written in a hurry, and also because i am using wordpad (. **

**Please review! all the reviewers get a cyber cookie **

**oh and fanfiction is being weird and not sending me ANY updates. So, it might take a while before i get to reply to your review. But, i promise that i will reply it for sure- I have already replied to ALL my past reviwers too.**

**P.S damn... my A/N's are always SO long pouts.**


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